DAY# 43: He Will Be Clean

When I was a little boy I would wake up with the sun and help myself to some morning cartoons with my stuffed animal deer as the rest of the family continued to slumber.  On one particular morning, for no good reason that can be brought to remembrance, my deer and I decided that we would conquer the top of the food pyramid early and devour a jug of maple syrup for breakfast.  Unfortunately I did not just damage my cholesterol but due to poor aim I left myself, and my deer, drenched in the sticky mess and the living room carpet was devastated!  (It’s funny NOW but I am sure my parents were not so cheerful to wake up to that haha)

I don’t know if this early event has anything to do with it, but for as long as I can remember I have hated being sticky!  I think stickiness is one of the worst kinds of filthy.  Being covered in dirt shows hard work and mud is sometimes even applied on purpose; but stickiness is the unloved child of a Popsicle or a sucker, it’s the bad fruit of most trees, and the mysterious fiend on the movie theater floor.  Stickiness does not easily submit to hot water or even soap, and it seems that layers of skin are sometimes easier to remove.  Dirty people have no shame in clasping their dirty fingers together, but sticky people are even disgusted with themselves holding their hands out front with their fingers widely spread.  In this way sin and stickiness are a lot alike.  They are both easy to fall into, but hard to escape.  They both diminish feelings of self-worth and cleanliness.

From the day that I met her, my dear Madelyne has been clear with her expectations of purity for a future spouse and has held herself to that same standard.  She is all that is beautiful about a fresh snow and like Nephi she is made sick at the very thought of sin.

The man she deserves will dedicate all that he has, and all that he is to her and her alone.  He will be clean.  He will remember always the covenants that he made with God, and the tender heart of his near perfect wife.  He will never sacrifice all that matters in his life for a pretend pleasure.  He will work every day to be pure from spots.  He will love her cleanliness and will always be worthy of it.  He will be clean!

DAY #30: He Will Work Hard in Every Situation

As I was on my mission there was an Elder who was 6’10” and was a real live giant.  He would always sing this song about Goliath that would start in a deep booming voice, “Everybody wants to be like me, as tall as a tree!”   There was never a shortage of laughing when he was around!

That song came into my head this week and started me on a long stream of pondering about David and Goliath.  That really is an amazing thing! To think that for such a long time Goliath came out challenging the Jews and not a single warrior went forward; and then when someone finally steps up, it was just a shepherd boy?  A boy promising that heaven and God would protect him and that he would slay Goliath!  That is amazing!

I think there are times in each of our lives where our lot is to be the boy that defeats the giant, but then there are even more times where are job is to stay behind and watch the sheep.  Although one job may not seem as grand as the other both are essential for success and happiness.

With Madelyne leaving so far away on such an awesome adventure there have been times when I feel a bit like the sheep sitter watching the giant Philistine being smitten by my brave (and gorgeous) future wife.  My days activities and duties seem to pale in comparison to the great things that she accomplishes… but that isn’t what it is really all about.  My job is not to outwork, outbrain, outearn, or out-anything!  My duty is to do my best with what I have been given.

The man that She deserves will work hard in every situation that he finds himself in regardless of grandeur.  He will seek to please God, his Wife, and himself by giving his full effort in each duty he is entrusted.  He will magnify his post, and happily continue to improve each day.  He will be the best sheep sitter he can be J

DAY #24: He Will Be Slow to Judge and Quick to Forgive

                Isn’t it interesting how for some reason we are often so quick to condemn others for the crimes that we justify in ourselves?  We cannot believe how inconsiderate some people are when they are late, but when we are late it is because traffic was bad and we were held up at work.  We are disgusted when someone gets angry with us, but when we yell it is warranted by the situation.  We have been forgiven an insurmountable debt, and then condemn another for pennies.  It seems like someone will have to stop our hypocritical cyclone with the cry, “We all make mistakes!”

In the beginning of the Book of Mormon there is a story about Nephi and his bow.   In 1Nephi 16:18 Nephi tells us that he went to go hunting and he broke his bow and his brothers were upset with him.   This passage leaves the reader thinking about how terrible Laman and Lemuel must have been to blame their brother for an accident.  As I was reading this I began to wonder how Nephi broke his bow.  What if he was on his way to go hunt and tripped and it broke?  Or what if he saw that his brothers were in a bad mood so he was being silly trying to make them laugh and accidentally stepped on the bow?  All these situations were accidents, but do find that we may get more upset in some of them than we would in others?  Is our anger at Nephi justified due to the situation, while Laman's and Lemuel's was not?  Perhaps we are more like them than we think!

I was buying fast food the other day and the car in front of me sat at the speaker for 10 minutes.  I found myself growing more and more irritated about their ordering incompetence, and then was given a day dream of my car at the ordering point.  I sat and sat and sat and each time I began to order I was met with the reply, “Just one second sir.”  The cars built up behind me and I could feel their annoyed stares.  I had done nothing wrong but I saw all the cars behind me cursing my incompetence.

The man that She deserves will be slow to judge and quick to forgive.  He will remind himself of the many mistakes that he has made that render him incapable of casting perfect judgment.  He will understand that accidents happen and learn to smile and laugh about the inconvenience of it all.  The man that she deserves will recognize that making mistakes and growing is the reason for this life, and that condemning that does no good to anyone.

DAY #20: He Will Love Their Children

The size of a family can sometimes prove to be a determining factor in the dynamics of family activities.  For example you can’t play two on two if you have 5 in the family, Checkers and Chess are not really 3 player games, and if there are 4 jump roping becomes way too crowded! 

As I have grown my desire for a large family has grown with me.  I cannot think of anything more rewarding than a house full of kids that at one time drive me up the wall and at another melt my heart to nothing.  I am sure there are many parents who read this admittedly inexperienced and perhaps slightly fairytale explanation thinking, “Well buddy I have a few heart melters that I wouldn’t mind sending your way!”   And to them I say I know that I have no idea how hard it will be, but for now I really like the idea of a big family.

For the past year I have been coaching an under 14 girls soccer team, and it has been one of the most rewarding things that I have ever done.  I LOVE IT!!!  There is something so special about being able to participate in the growth and developments of those that you care so much about.  I know that this feeling will be even greater with my own children.

The man She deserves will love their children.  He will make the home a place where love is spoken freely and frequently.  He will never limit their children with thoughts that they incapable of achieving great things.  He will understand that his role as provider means more than just finances; he must provide the love, testimony, and support that is expected of a righteous father. 

DAY #16: He Will Be Happy When She's Right

My job is sometimes very much like a desert canyon.  There are times when the canyon lays almost completely barren besides the occasional tumble weed and then there are times when some clouds roll in and the flash floods come.  During the barren times my boss has encouraged us to read books that will increase our business skills and overall worth.  I have been reading Crucial Conversations, a great book written by a handful of New York Times best sellers.  The basic premise of this book is that a key factor in success is the ability to handle crucial conversations (whether in work, school, home etc...) with coolheadedness...  Something that for most of us is more difficult than we would care to admit.

The authors teach about a little thing we are grown to want, and are taught to struggle to get.... that thing is Winning!  We are taught that success is measured by how often you win in any environment.  After thousands of years of this teaching, there is a urge within our very nature to Win almost at all costs...
This desire is what leads us to abandon what we really want in order to be right.  We are willing to fight about meaningless details until we are blue in the face and grey in the hair just to be right.  We are willing to forget the fact that what we really want is to eat somewhere where the whole family would enjoy because we need to argue our point that In-N-Out is a valid option far longer than it was really worth (or even far more passionately than we even believe!)

The man She deserves will not only let Her be right, but he will recognize and be happy when She's right.  He will find pride in Her good ideas, and will be quick to see when Her way really is better.  he will not allow what he really wants to be clouded by his natural desire to win.

Day #10- He Will Look for Similarities

            Growing up my Dad always said, “Jordan, behind every good man, is a great woman making him who he is!  Look for a woman like that, a woman like your mother.”   This advice is as true as any, the talents and abilities, the drive and ambition, the strength and the tenderness of a good man are all magnified by a great woman.   In order to further test this hypothesis and follow examples of the great men and women that are in the scriptures I have made a goal to read the Book of Mormon looking for the qualities of a good husband. 

As I was studying a came to an example that I think most of us can probably learn from.  In 1 Nephi chapter 5 Lehi and Sariah are in the wilderness waiting for their sons to return from their long trip to Jerusalem.  Worried about her son’s return Sariah begins to cry to Lehi:

 2 For she had supposed that we had perished in the wilderness; and she also had ^acomplained against my father, telling him that he was a ^bvisionary man; saying: Behold thou hast led us forth from the land of our inheritance, and my sons are no more, and we perish in the wilderness.

With this cry there were several ways that Lehi could have responded.  He could have rebuked her for defying him, or criticized her for her wavering faith.  He may have questioned her love for him, or been offended by her lack of support.  He could have let the fires of contention overwhelm a situation that was brought upon by despair….

But instead he responded as follows:

 4 And it had come to pass that my father spake unto her, saying: I know that I am a ^avisionary man; for if I had not seen the things of God in a ^bvision I should not have known the goodness of God, but had tarried at Jerusalem, and had perished with my brethren.

 5 But behold, I have ^aobtained a ^bland of promise, in the which things I do rejoice; yea, and I ^cknow that the Lord will deliver my sons out of the hands of Laban, and bring them down again unto us in the wilderness.

 6 And after this manner of language did my father, Lehi, ^acomfortmy mother, Sariah, concerning us, while we journeyed in the wilderness up to the land of Jerusalem, to obtain the record of the Jews.

The man She deserves should always be looking to comfort and to build his wife.  He should recognize that he is one with her in every way and therefore it does no good to him to tear her down.  He will look for similarities instead of divisions.

DAY# 2: He Will Take Her to Do Fun Things

I have heard it said that smiling and laughing more makes a person live longer, so by connection i guess that would make being a grump one of the slowest forms of suicide ;).  Life is full of things to smile and to frown about, to laugh and to cry about, but i think that most people could agree that life's experiences are often what we make of them... In other words we can choose to make life really fun!!!

I am not sure if it is something that is unique to our time or not, but it seems that life has no shortage of stress.  We are all worried about something, and if we don't stop every once in a while and shake it off then we will miss all of the joy that life has to offer.  The man that She deserves will give her opportunities to see the fun in life, he will take her to do fun things, and help make normal things fun!

Yesterday I had a work conference in order to get our distributors excited about a contest that they will be participating in.  At the end of the conference there was a dance, and i was assured by my boss that i would lose my job if i did not help set the example and be one of the first on the dance floor.  So there i was working my groove thing in a congregation of holistic medicine practicing middle aged (or later aged) women.  In between songs i went to visit a woman i work with still sitting with her husband even though the party had clearly begun.  Her friend leaned to me and whispered in my ear, "He (pointing to the other woman's husband) promised her that when they got married he would take her dancing.  Now it's 30 years later and he never has."  

I want to be the kind of husband that makes life a joy for his wife.  Not only should she know that she is his queen, but that she is the friend that he would go to Timbuktu and back again just to make her smile.